08 April 2017
The Secret Mission to Save Senatorial Comity
A POLITICO Special Report
(inspired by a series written by Harry Turtledove)
John S. McCain III has been driven by a sense of mission his whole life. Little did he know, when he shivered at the inaugural ceremonies for President Trump, that making contact with his own doppelganger from an alternate timeline would be critical to saving the Senate from mean Democrats bent on tearing the august traditions of deliberative democracy to shreds.
"I saw him spending a lot of time with [former Energy Secretary] Moniz, right around Valentine's Day," a senior official attached to the Senate Energy Committee told me recently. "One day I saw some weird-looking mirrors and other hardware being wheeled into his offices. The next day McCain didn't show up to coffee with Claire McCaskill. We drew our own conclusions."
Documents obtained from the Department of Energy and the Pentagon via a FOIA request show that Senator McCain has been tapping into the expertise of quantum physicists for years. Now, with the sanctity of judicial filibusters at stake, it is clear that the Senator has used revolutionary new spacetime technology to call on the help of -- himself.
John Sidney McCain-Forrest was born just a few hours before the John McCain we know and love, in August 1936. He looks like an identical twin of the Senator and two-time presidential candidate. But he was born in the C.S. Naval Hospital in Savannah, Georgia, and by the age of 18 was enlisted as a coastal defense cadet, scanning the waters of the western Atlantic for Yankee fighter jets and the telltale traces of U-boats. What's more, this young man was a Democrat -- a registered member of the Free Democratic Party (Jacksonite), an organization that had long ago disappeared from the enemy lands to the north ...