11 January 2019

Clueless 2:  AOC in DC

[Excerpt from an as-yet-unmarketed screenplay]

EMMY CLEAVER and STENY HOYER are sitting around a Starbucks table sipping Valentine's Day-themed pink lattes.  The cafe is empty of customers except for them, because of the government shutdown.

EMMY:  Oh my Goddd, can you believe what she tweeted this morning about the Green New Deal?   So gross. 

STENY:  Girl, you don't know the half of it.  I saw her hanging out with that hijab-wearing chick after Congressional book club on Monday.  [quickly sighs] She is so pretty, but she totes doesn't understand that you can't do that kind of thing in Washington.  Mmm, I have to Instagram this cute poodle walking outside --

EMMY:  She said we shouldn't get paid during the shutdown.  What kind of person does that?  Does she want us all to survive on cans of soup from the food pantry and eat dinner with Pramila every week?  Ughh.

STENY:  Oh, I know.  And I offered to pay for four nights in Cancun for her last week -- she's so into self-care, right -- and she looked at me like I was Ivanka, and said "I don't run away from Washington's problems."  Like, what?

EMMY:  Girl, don't feel bad.  She's too young to rent a halfway-decent car, and she hasn't had a boyfriend in ages.


PELOSI:  Ladies, I need you back at work for a vote.  Now.

EMMY:  We'll be right along, Leader Pelosi.  Just give Ms. Hoyer a few minutes to straighten her bangs.

STENY:  Emyyyy!

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